PARENTING MANUAL

It's so obvious there's no manual for parenting. All parents can do is give their best effort in training their kids to be culturally, socially, academically, and morally sound.

However, this journey is deeply attached to emotions, the vulnerable part of most humans (emotions take the best of us, they say). Child care requires a real sense of responsibility, because I've always believed it takes more than being a sperm donor or egg giver to become a good parent. Responsibility is what makes one a good parent.

This part of life isn't a bed of roses, especially when it comes to the place of discipline.

Child indiscipline has become a major, controversial issue in the world, as most vices are traced back to a lack of proper training. This makes society believe parents have failed in this part of their duty. Yet some are still striving to write the best manual for raising children right. Family is considered the bedrock of all opportunities and threats, but not everyone is lucky in this regard.

Honestly, child training is tangled up with a big chunk of our feelings, especially when parents remember the path they walked in birthing their children. This is where patience comes in: we must try to separate our emotions from giving the right training, so we don't get hurt in the long run. And mind you, it's always heartbreaking down the road.

Most parents don't want to "spare the rod and spoil the child," but somewhere along the way, they realize they've over-pampered the child beyond control. Still, I think the whole world has gotten the meaning of that proverb wrong. The rod here isn't a literal wooden or iron object for scolding. A rod is anything that corrects and straightens one's path, discipline in its truest sense.

The rod, whether material or immaterial, is anything that brings correction. What most parents don't understand is that striking a child with a literal rod hasn't passed on much of a message, all these years. Since time immemorial, we've adopted this method of discipline and considered it the best resolution. I hate seeing those marks on adults later in life. The pain may heal, but the scars are forever, some can't even be erased, because they were written with a hot iron.

The mental health of these children has been tampered with. Recovery from that dark tunnel takes years, and that's only if help is provided adequately and on time. Some children have chosen not to forgive their parents, because parts of them are gone for life. And mind you, these were parents trying their best to raise their children right, without considering the emotional cost to their wards. These are the same people society calls disciplinarians, strict and well-policed in character. Still, it's heartbreaking that this method has caused more harm than the justice it was meant to serve.

While trying to reconcile the downsides of that first method, another one was discovered. Have you ever heard a child say they would have preferred a beating to being tongue-lashed? That's the second method I'm talking about. Some parents deserve an award in this category; they truly went overboard.

Seventy percent of us, now adults, have fallen victim to this. We underrated this principle for a long time, and we still haven't fully recovered from the damage it caused. Those words planted inside us nearly destroyed us, but we thank God for the work others have done to help us heal. Even though physical pain can't be overlooked, this is worse than the former. Our emotions and self-esteem were trampled on. We were called all sorts of names, some true, some cruelly exaggerated, yet all of them wounded us within.

Teachers are guilty of this too. Lines like "Jack is better than Robinson" have affected many pupils. Some carried those words through their entire teenage years, believing them. Yes, we could have been more, but under proper support, a healthy state of mind, and good mental wellbeing. Thanks to the teachers of this generation doing it better now, kudos to the re-orientations, the educational seminars, the mental health workshops. They've helped, to some extent.

Children can choose either path from the discipline we give them. They can come out well, or they can go the other way, no matter how hard the parent tried. Still, this remains a lifetime decision for each child to make. Many who were poorly trained still chose the right path, regardless of their family background or structure. It's simply a prayer that they go the right way. It shouldn't be forgotten that some children were badly trained, but life itself is a teacher. Experience is the best teacher, they say. The very circumstances we found ourselves in also shaped us for good.

Isn't it delusional to say any parent has perfectly raised their children using some special manual or tutorial booklet? Absolutely not. There's no award on earth for the best parent. All any parent has done is their best, with the knowledge and understanding available to them, drawn from culture, morals, advice, life experience, stories, spiritual warnings, and yes, even superstitions (they sharpened our sense too).

A child is a beautiful gift from God, and the best manual for raising them is the word of God, paired with prayer. Prayer truly shapes a child. 2 Timothy 3:16 says all Scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the child, created by God, may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid. That's precise and accurate. But in what manner are you carrying this out? If the Giver of that child returned today, would He celebrate how you raised His gift?

Indeed, parenting and child care are deeply mingled with emotion. We have to be careful if we truly want to get it right.

May we continue to get better.